


If I Was Granted One Last Wish I’d Wish To Say Goodbye

by 015wayward_winchester



Category: Merlin (TV), Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Angst and Feels, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst and Tragedy, Caring Rowena MacLeod, Dean Winchester is Protective of Sam Winchester, Emotionally Hurt Sam Winchester, Helpful Rowena MacLeod, Hurt No Comfort, Hurt Sam Winchester, Hurt/Kind of Comfort, Immortal Merlin (Merlin), Implied/Referenced Suicide, Sam Winchester Needs a Hug, Sam Winchester is Not Okay, Sam Winchester is a mess, Suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-07
Updated: 2021-03-08
Packaged: 2021-03-13 00:42:39
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,418
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29893053
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/015wayward_winchester/pseuds/015wayward_winchester
Summary: Set after “Carry On”. Sam misses Dean. Rowena sets him on the path to a sorcerer who can help.
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester, Dean Winchester & Sam Winchester, Merlin & Arthur Pendragon (Merlin), Merlin/Arthur Pendragon (Merlin)
Comments: 2
Kudos: 7





	1. It’s Been A Long Day

Sam sat at the table in the bunker drinking beer, heavily. It was January 24th 2021. This was the first time Dean’s birthday had rolled around without Dean. Sam was numb. He wasn’t sure if that was from the alcohol he’d been drinking all day or from the fact he’d lost almost everyone he’d ever loved. 

Suddenly there was a knock at the door. Sam was didn’t know who it was, but he found he just didn’t care. The three people he so desperately wanted to see wouldn’t be there. 

The door swung open.

“Hello!” Called a woman with a Scottish accent. 

Sam turned around to see Rowena. 

“What are you doing here?” He asked emotionless he was curious as to how she was there, but he was too numb to really consider it.

“Oh Sam what happened to you?”

The numb feeling turned to anger. “Maybe it’s the fact I lost Cas! Maybe it’s the fact I lost Dean! Maybe it’s the fact that basically everyone I ever loved is gone!” He screamed 

Rowena recoiled before waving her hand and muttering a few words of Latin. Sam instantly sobered up.

“How and why are you here Rowena?” Sam asked “can’t I remember my brother in peace?”

“To answer your first question. I found a spell that allows me to walk the Earth, and as for your second question this is remembering your brother? Drinking into oblivion?”

“That’s my business. So are we done here?” Sam asked opening another beer.

“I could leave, but I think you’ll want to hear me out”

“Oh yeah? Why’s that?”

“In my new role I have the ability to make deals free of charge.”

Sam stood up “can you bring him back?” He asked voice wavering. 

“No. His soul is in Heaven and I have no jurisdiction especially with Jack implementing a hands off ‘what’s dead stays dead’ rule.”

“So why are you here!”

“I can give you the chance to say goodbye” she said softly

“How?” Sam asked. He’d take any chance to see Dean again

“I have an old friend. He lives in England. Bit of a recluse, but tell him I sent you and he’ll help. He lives near the lake of Avalon.” 

“You’re sure he’ll help me?” Sam was afraid to get his hopes up

“Yes” He’s lost people too

Sam thanked her and packed for his trip.


	2. Oh I’ll Tell You All About It When I See You Again

When Sam arrived in England he instantly made for the lake of Avalon. He walked through the forest until he found a small wood cabin covered in ivy. He knocked at the door.

“Who is it?” Called a gruff old voice.

“My name is Sam Winchester. Rowena McLeod sent me”

The door opened “I haven’t heard that name in awhile come in”

Sam stepped through the door.

“I’m Merlin. What is it Rowena thinks I can do for you?”

“I lost my brother, and I just want a chance to say goodbye. He was the only person who was always there for me no matter how hard it was he stunk with me. He practically raised me, saved my life more times than I remember, and I don’t know how to live without him. I love him and I miss him. I need to see him, just one more time, please. Rowena told me you have a way I can see him again”

“No!” The sorcerer snapped 

Sam put his head in his hands. Before looking up and speaking. “No you don’t have a way? Or no you won’t help me.”

“I can’t help you. It’s too risky.”

“Anything I’ll take a risk he’s my brother!”

“Foolish boy! The risk could be to the world. The answer is no. Get out!” 

With that Sam was blasted away. He found his way to a hotel and got a room. After booking his flight back to the states he turned to the minibar in his room. 

Meanwhile Merlin was left contemplating. He knew what it was like to lose the person you love above all others. After all Arthur had been the most important thing to him. After Arthur he’d lost Gwain, Percival, Leon, all the knights, Gwen, Gaius, Kilgarah, and everyone he’d ever known and loved. But after had Arthur had died he shut down. Losing the love of his life had nearly killed him, if only he could die. If he was honest he was still only a shadow of who he’d been back then. He’d tried to use the horn to see Arthur, but with his destiny to rise again he was not truly in the veil so he hadn’t been able to visit. The boy’s brother was gone, and Merlin could sense the broken soul from a mile away. His magic allowed him to feel a fraction of Sam’s pain. He had to allow the boy a visit. 

Sam was on his seventh whiskey when Merlin appeared in his room. 

Sam was too numb to be phased “Why are you here? You told me you won’t help me.”

Merlin touched Sam’s forehead and muttered a spell. Sam found himself back in the cabin. Merlin chanted another spell and all the alcohol drained from Sam’s body.

“Can you all stop doing that? There’s a reason I’m drinking and it isn’t so you magic people can zap me back to sobriety.”

“Apologies. I just thought you’d want to be sober before you saw your brother.”

“Dean? But you said-“

“I know what it’s like to feel alone, scared, lost, and if seeing your brother is what will help you then I shall do what I can.”

The sorcerer grabbed a horn and started towards the door.

“Where are you going?”

“The ritual can’t be performed here. We have to go to the Isle of the Blessed”


	3. We’ve Come A Long Way From Where We Began Oh I’ll Tell You All About it When I See You Again

On the Isle of the Blessed Merlin handed Sam the horn. 

“You won’t have long. When your brother tells you it’s time to go that’s when you need to leave the spirit world. Or you may be stuck there forever.”

“Doesn’t sound so bad” Sam muttered under his breath.

Merlin continued “inside the veil you must be ready. You may hear truths you’d rather not hear. But whatever you do as you’re leaving the veil you must not look back. If you do you’ll release the spirit of your brother on the world, and he will be an angry one.”

Sam nodded “thank you Merlin”

“You’re welcome Sam. Now whenever you’re ready”

Sam wasted no time he instantly blew the horn and was transported to the spirit world.

“Hey bitch” came a familiar voice Sam never thought he’d hear again

“Jerk” Sam said back before running into his brother’s arms

“Dean-“

“I know Sammy. I know. I love you too”

“It hasn’t been the same without you man. I can’t carry on without you. You’re my brother”

Dean pulled away and looked down not wanting his baby brother to see the tears. “Sam I’m sorry”

“For what?”

“For leaving you alone. I thought you’d be able to move on, leave hunting, find a girl.”

Sam felt like he’d been punched in the gut “What are you saying Dean?” 

“I knew the rebar was there. After Cas...” his voice broke “I just couldn’t. It didn’t help I felt I was a burden to you” both brothers were now in tears “I’m sorry Sammy”

Sam stepped forward and pulled his brother into another hug “I understand Dean. You’re my brother and I love you. There’s not a day that goes by where I don’t miss you”

Dean ruffled Sam’s hair “just stop the drinking ok? You’re better than me.”

Sam pulled back “how did you-?”

“Ah a certain angel has been popping in on you for me”

“Cas?”

“Jack brought him back. We live in Heaven’s version of the bunker.”

“I’m glad you two are happy. You’ve been hiding your feelings since 2009”

The brothers laughed but then Dean’s expression turned serious and with a heavy soul said “you have to go Sam.”

“Dean no. Not yet”

“If you stay any longer you’ll be stuck here. Go live your life, take care of yourself, and take care of my baby. Live your life, at least try”

Sam nodded in promise “I love you Dean”

“I love you too my baby brother.”

With that Sam turned and walked through the veil. As tempting as it was he refused to turn around. He would do as Dean asked, he’d at least try. That was all he could do.


End file.
